TGIF

“We look good together."

I wanted to ask if f**k boys have a school they all attend, or if, as a matter of convenience, a 'words-to-say-to-get-the-jar-open' manual was in circulation. But I didn't.
"You're the prettiest girl I know." You continued.
"Eziokwu." I said to myself. 
"I could be doing something totally unrelated to you and you pop into my head.
"Osheyyy pin-pop" (within me).
"I'm serious. I know you think I'm prevaricating. Ask Philip, my neighbour. Just the other day..."
"It's ok. I believe you." I said with a tagged smile to cut you short, and at the same time wondering how I got myself in this mess. Which one is pre-whatever again! Williams was better. Although he was a f**k boy, he didn't speak too much English. 
Where did I install this problem from? I asked myself. O! Pekas. *sighs*

So one Friday my friends and I wanted to hangout (TGIF).  We decided to go to Pekas at Allen. You know, Allen Avenue is where the 'what's up? Short time girls' work longer than civil servants. As early as 3pm, they're already saying 'what's up? Short time' in a sing-song manner. On getting there I developed sudden headache, so my TGIF turn up was cut short. I didn't come with my car and I didn't want to cut anyone's fun short, so I called my cab guy to come take me home. 

Me: Uncle Suru good evening. Abeg you fit come Pekas carry me?
Uncle Suru: aunty sorry o, I travel go Abeokuta I no dey town. 
Me: ok. Thank you. Abeg gimme another person number wey dey town. 
Uncle Suru: Ok. I go send am now. 
I waited for about 10 minutes without getting any number from the cab man. I dialled his number and it was switched off. I couldn't even order an uber as I didn't come out with an android phone. As a matter of fact, none of us (my friends and I) did because we didn't want stories that touch the heart. At this point it seemed the DJ moved the loud speakers from wherever to my head. I couldn't endure the noise anymore so I had to step out.
On stepping out I felt someone tap me. 
Tapper: I noticed you've been restless, what's the problem?
Me: it's nothing really. I have headache and I'm trying to get a ride home, but my attempts have been futile. (The tapper looked good and more importantly smelt nice, so I indulged him).
Tapper: That's sad. Perhaps I should give you a ride home.
Me: You could be a kidnapper or a ritualist. I could be a mamiwater sef, you wouldn't know. 
Tapper: You're funny too, not just pretty.
Me: Thanks, but I don't mean to be funny. This is Lagos, you can't tell who is who.
Tapper: True talk. I'm Arinze by the way. I think you should still let me take you home.
I weighed my options and letting him take me home seemed like a lesser evil.
Me: Thank you. 
We exchanged contacts while in the car and I made him drop me at the junction of my street. 

He called the next morning to know if I felt better. I told him I felt better. He called later at night. I watched it ring. He didn't call till about two weeks later. 
After we exchanged pleasantries, he asked if we could have lunch together the next day. I agreed. We had lunch the next day and other days after. 
We went to the cinema too some Fridays and went out together from time to time. Most of his 'close friends' knew me. We were almost 'an item'. Almost, till I found out the girl he calls cousin is his girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I never thought we were dating, but who makes you feel like Mourinho (special) when you're not his girlfriend and he has no plans of making you one? A f**kboy! (Please don't even give me the some-people-are-naturally-caring talk.) All his actions have been as that of John the Baptist for Jesus Christ- preparing a way. I didn't mind as far as I was getting free lunch and cinema time, till today. 

This is our first night of being in the same room. It wasn't planned. We planned on staying in the same hotel, yes. But not the same room. Oga (Arinze) told me a night in the hotel was 10k, so I brought 10k and an extra 20k in cash as I don't like going out with my ATM card at night.. Unfortunately a room was 28k, not 10k as I couldn't risk having only 2k on me I decided to sleep in the same room with Arinze.

It's by providence they increased the price", you say before talking about us looking good together.

As soon as you said we looked good together I knew what you weren't actually saying was 'we'd look good on bed together'. Every f**k boy said it. It was their club's anthem. I wonder if they don't know that that line had become anachronistic.
"You aren't saying anything Camilla, what's the problem?" You ask while being tactile. I step away.
"It should be my period, I suddenly have abdominal cramps."
"Period ke, can't it go away?"
"Periods don't go away like that."

You are quiet for some time, obviously sad.
Arinze: I think you're not being truthful.
Me: Not like you wanted to make out with me when you have a girlfriend that doubles as your cousin. Why will I lie?"
Silence.

Checkmate.