SINGLE


Whenever Tecno and Wizkid's Mama comes on, I replace 'money' with 'bae', praying my hustle for one pays off. 'Who did I offend?' Has been the constant question on my mind. It wasn't easy to be single at this age, and of all places in Lagos! Lagos where all assortment of men existed. Orishirishi. Gbogbo ti gbo. Yet I could not lay claim to one, at least. I didn't come to Lagos to find love. I came for money, but no matter how much I tried, I could not pretend that my relationship status wasn't affecting my psyche. Motivational speakers could not even help in this case.
"Build a good relationship with God and a stable career, men will come in droves." I was tired of hearing that line or anything similar to it.

"Ada guess what!" Said Folake, my colleague, snapping me out of my thoughts. She didn't even wait for me to guess. "Lanre is planning a surprise trip for us to La Campagne Tropicana for Valentine. I'm sure he would have intended for us to travel out, but I can't take a break to travel out of the country, unno."

"That's great, but it's not a surprise since you know na."
"Whatever. I'll just pretend I didn't know. How far na. What's your bobo doing for you?"
"That day is Ash Wednesday, I'll be going to church. By the way, I thought your boyfriend's name is Segun."
"I have three boyfriends na. I don't know what the other two are up to yet."
Really I have offended someone. Aunty here has three boyfriends and I've given all my green light to every responsible looking man that crossed my path, yet no show.
"So on Valentine's day you'll just go to church and collect ash and come to work that day. Is it that you don't have boyfriend, abi he's a Reverend."

I could not get myself to tell her, or anyone that I didn't have a boyfriend. I just left them to believe I did. I was tired of the whole 'fine-smart-hardworking-prayerful-girl-like-you does not have boyfriend'; and the additional 'it's a lie!' that comes when I say: I don't.

"Ash Wednesday is the beginning of lent Folake, I can't miss service that day because it's Valentine."
To avoid further conversation with her, I changed the topic to something in vogue.

"Are you following BBN?" I asked.
"Haaaaa. Me that is Big Sister. Who's your favourite house mate?"
"Alex, the girl with the green hair, does it for me. You?"
Before she answers, our supervisor steps in bringing our chit chat to an end.

"Thank God," I whisper, and add a silent prayer: Dear Lord, bae of the baeless. All I ask is that Barça wins their match against Chelsea. It will be the perfect Valentine gift to me

Comments

  1. Unknown20 February 2018 at 09:06

    The last paragraph is mind blowing 😅

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown20 February 2018 at 10:19

    The last paragraph oh ...Uzor, I love you too much...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okafor Uzoamaka1 June 2018 at 14:52

      TIoo much o, excess love o 😂love you too☺

      Delete
  3. Talking Papers20 February 2018 at 10:32

    Niceeeee

    ReplyDelete
  4. Unknown20 February 2018 at 10:42

    Uzo baebae idi hot☺

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown20 February 2018 at 14:08

    Bae of the Baeless 😂😂
    Nice write-up✍

    ReplyDelete
  6. ujahmycine24 February 2018 at 00:12

    Cool... Nice ...Alexy

    ReplyDelete
  7. ujahmycine24 February 2018 at 00:12

    Cool... Nice ...Alexy

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ichie30 March 2018 at 02:13

    Lol the struggle..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ardah Ibe12 July 2018 at 21:34

    Bae of the Baeless 😂😂😂
    Kuku kill me...Nice one Dear 👍

    ReplyDelete
  10. Livsportals@blogspot.com.ng10 October 2021 at 09:13

    Lol, the part of smart fine girl like you is single. It's a lie. Chai, so meeee😂

    ReplyDelete
  11. Chris11 February 2024 at 16:03

    🤣😂

    But in the long run, it pays following Jesus, than dating 3 guys (that's a high level of confusion) 😂

    Thanks for the piece.

    ReplyDelete

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