SELF-DATING.

"It's over Ibukun, I'm sorry I can't do this anymore. I cannot continue this." 
"What is over?"
"This..."
You were cut short by your thoughts. You wanted to say 'relationship', but he never asked you out. So you swallow it before it comes out. But you feel your actions have qualified you to be his girlfriend, so on a second thought, you spit it out.

"I cannot continue this relationship." You say.

He chuckles, first. Then laughs out loud.

"I'm sorry Favour, but what relationship?" He asks.
"This thing we've been doing, what is it called if not a relationship?"
"Yes it is a relationship-friendship. Except you were thinking of something else. Then you'll have to tell me."

For the first time since you started self-dating (Yes that's what you've been doing ) you question your senses and realize you have not been using them at all. You think you have a case, however. So you speak.

"So your friends come to wash plates for you na. They wash your clothes, make food for you too and do your assignments, eee Ibukun?"

He's mute. 

"Which one of your friends gives you money when you're broke?" You ask.
"Some of my friends do."
"Name them." 
"You wouldn't know them."

Another hard truth. He has never introduced you to any of his friends. Not even one.

"If you really thought we were just friends, why did we make out? Why did we have sex?"
"I cannot answer that truly. But I sincerely thought you were helping me deflate blue balls."
"Chukwu Abiama! You're just wicked. Two good years of my life and all you can tell me is you thought I was deflating blue balls. What do I look like?"
"I'm sorry if you got things all mixed up. I once told you my girlfriend said no sex till we're married, so I thought you were helping me relief sexual frustration." 
"Your girlfriend? But you said you guys broke up!"
"Will. That's what I said. Will break up. We didn't."

*Aye mi temi bami.*

You're silent. 

"Hope you didn't think you're my girlfriend. I never asked you out." He says.
With those words, you cannot even justify your heart break. You manage to carry what's left of your dignity (not quite much) as you leave his room. You curse all you can, but within you, you know you don't have a case.